Learning to live

Here’s the problem I’ve realised about myself; I have dreams. I have so many dreams, so many goals. But none of them are important enough for me to want to fight for them. None of them interest me enough for me to want to ignore social conventions, drop everything and get it done.

I still find myself thinking, “It’s okay if I don’t get to do it.” “It’s okay if I get forced into an office job.”

I don’t want that kind of life. But I’m too passive in my dreams and ideas, which make it seem like that’s the only kind of life I’m going towards. That’s the kind of life that I am subconsciously embracing.

I find myself thinking that other people shouldn’t take risks for their dreams and that they should have at least a backup to go back to if that dream doesn’t work out.

But the thing is, that isn’t living.

Living should be working hard in what you want to do, and not giving up on yourself no matter what. If you’re passionate about something, do it. If you’re struggling to get it done, remember that you’d eventually get through the bumps on the road. Things will get easier.

That’s what living is.

Comfort and safety are just social conventions. It’s fear. Nothing else to it.

But everybody fears, it’s what drives us back into our comfort zones. It’s what’s stopping us from reaching our full potentials in life, it’s what’s hindering us from our real purposes. Our dreams, our aspirations, our desires and goals.

Fear is what makes us think normal office jobs are safer. A lack in self-efficacy is what makes us think we’d be okay in those roles, in our boxes, in our cages.

But that isn’t what living is.

I’ve come to realise that, and I think I can say that I’m going into the right direction. I’m slowly learning to live.

I still fear, but maybe with this epiphany I will fear less.

I have yet to find out who I am in this world. And I have yet to figure out my purpose and what I want to do. I still don’t know a lot of things.

I just have a lot of dreams that feel like childish wishing.

I don’t know what I want to achieve in my life, but I believe I’ll get there in due time.

 

xx Solaris Denali

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